The Remedy to Everything: Hot Girl Walks and Me

Nothing cheers me up like a hot girl walk

Hi, everyone! If you've been reading my blog for the past few posts, you can now see there's really no rhyme or reason to what I'm posting. However, I wanted to post something a little more sentimental to make the blog more personal. I mean, you keep reading this blog with no real explanation as to who I am. So, I am going to start sharing some stories on here so that you all can get to know me and I would love to hear some of your stories to get to know you! So, be sure to share in the comments, if you so feel led. But today, I am going to talk about a really important aspect of my life: hot girl walks. Seems silly, but with hot girl walks being so trendy, I want to talk about how simple walks have become so important to me.

So, growing up, going on walks was just something fun I would do with my mom. We would go every night in the summer right after dinner. It sounds really country, but we live down by the river so we would cover ourselves in bug spray and walk down the gravel driveway to the pretty well empty, blacktop country road where we could walk and watch the sunset. We were free to walk as we pleased and only had to move out of the way for trucks and tractors every once in a while. We would walk and talk about everything under the sun. I was a pretty little kid so I would plan out my Halloween costume and my mom would help me brainstorm, we would talk about what I wanted to be when I grow up, Mom would tell me stories from when she was a kid. It was always just the best time.

When my sister was born, my mom was home for maternity leave so my siblings would join and we would go earlier in the day. My mom would load my sister into her pink stroller. My brother and I would get our shoes on and we would go. We would play all kinds of games like "red light, green light", my brother and I would race to see who was faster, and we would all take turns pushing my sister in the stroller. We would sing songs to her and it was always just a good time.

Sometimes, my whole family would go for a walk. This was usually on a Sunday evening. My dad would be off work, so we would all go together. Sometimes my brother and I would ride our bikes, but for the most part, I would walk. My brother was more of a bike rider, so my brother would speed off and my dad would walk fast to keep up with him. I would walk with my mom and we would conspire to try and beat the boys back to the house. But, as I got older, we would all go on less walks. My siblings played sports, my dad would be busy at work, and my mom and I would be sitting watching my siblings play sports. But, as often as we could, we would try to squeeze in a walk.

Fast forward to my angsty teenage years. I would spend summers in my house not doing too much, but everyday, my mom would get off work and go on a walk with me. I would always start out so crabby (me + doing nothing all day = grouchy Livi) but it would always end with my mom and I having the best conversations about the future or plans for the evening.

All of the sudden something crazy happened: a global pandemic, and times were crazy. It was kind of scary. My parents were essential workers, my friends that I was used to seeing everyday I was never seeing, and everything felt so strange. I was stuck at my house from March to May and it was so weird. It felt so weird because both of my siblings played multiple sports, so not sitting at a baseball field or in the car waiting for practice to get over was so strange. I am so lucky to have had my siblings there with me, to lean on, and to keep me sane. We cherished the evenings and weekends when my parents were home from work. But my biggest escape from the world was throwing in my earbuds and going for a walk. My mom would take days off. We would have movie days then go for a big walk. It was refreshing. I would take walks when I could feel myself getting overstimulated or overwhelmed.

The end of high school was anything but normal for me, as I never got to go back. My school chose to make the next year online. I had one college course I got to attend in person, but I was otherwise at home all day everyday. In the evenings, I would work and then go hang out with friends. After graduation, I spent the summer working, spending time with friends, and getting ready for college.

My first semester of college was online. But, my very first day was one I'll never forget. I opened up my laptop and started reading syllabi for each class. I had this strange feeling in my stomach and I felt like I was going to cry. As I started to let it out, the cry felt like stronger and stronger. It wasn't just crying, it was that like wailing and gasping for air. I was alone in the house, parents at work, siblings at school and it was just me and my sister's guinea pig. I remember the guinea pig just sitting in her cage staring at me as I let my emotions just sweep me up. I called my friends with tears in my eyes and they just told me, "school will get better, it's just the first day". But I knew this feeling was so much more than just nerves. I've always been a worrier. This didn't feel like worry. This felt like fear. Like the world is crashing down and I can't accept my fate and I'm just longing for some semblance of calm.

It wasn't like this was my first online college class. I had spent a year taking dual credit college classes. I even took an online college algebra class with no help from a professor (and I'm not saying that as a brag, I'm saying this as, I had experienced college level stress. I'm terrible at math). When my mom walked in the door, I told her about what happened that day. But as soon as she walked in the door, I was a little bit better. I wasn't alone anymore.

Day 2, day 3, they were all the same. What I didn't realize then was that I was having chronic panic attacks that I had never experienced before. I had so much discomfort because I didn't want to leave my house because I knew it was safe but I also didn't want to be at my house at all because it reminded me of all of my panic attacks causing me to spiral into another attack. There was no escape and I needed help. It felt like I was running out of air in the house. I would wake up every morning to a panic attack. I couldn't sleep because of constant panicing with no reason why. I'd go to sleep about 1am and wake up at 6:30 or 7am. I wasn't eating because my stomach was always swirling with fear. It was in these moments, I learned the power of a hot girl walk.

My schedule looked like this: wake up, let out all the tears from my 5ish hours of sleep, throw on some clothes, go for a walk, try to do homework. My family could see the toll this was taking on my health. I was losing weight so quickly and I was exhausted all the time. I couldn't focus on anything for more than a few minutes, and I stopped doing all of the things I loved. No more friends, no more makeup before work, no more listening to music, no more happy Livi. I grew up doing beauty pageants and that weekend, I would be retiring my title and then getting to go to my favorite festival of all time in my hometown. I couldn't even enjoy that (which, ok yes, it's just a festival, there's always more but when you live in as small of a town as I do, the festival isn't just about going out and having fun. It's like a really big family reunion. It's a tradition and I looked forward to it all year, every year, as I had been attending since I was a baby). Every few minutes I would have to walk to the car, cry it out, and then go back to the festival. The next day, my mom took off work and took me to see my doctor to figure out what my body was doing.

I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression, then put on two medicines to help me gain control back of my feelings. My routine shifted: wake up, let out all the tears from my 5ish hours of sleep, throw on some clothes, take my medicine, go for a walk, try to do homework. I went on many, many walks during the day to keep myself from falling into my panic attacks. But these walks really saved me.

As if this story weren't long enough, I have more to add. I moved away and started college at my new school 5 hours from home. I was honestly doing good until I thought I was ready to stop taking my medicine. I was off for about two months before I had to go back on. That first summer away from home was so hard. I didn't leave my room except for work and the few times I could peel myself from my bed to get a little bit of exercise and fresh air. I would go for long walks late at night. I would look out at all the lights in town and just try to soak in the few moments of peace I had among all the chaos. This is what helped me make it through the summer.

Going for a walk was just apart of my routine. It was so healing. When I went back home for the rest of the summer and continued the walks every night. And this continued. Any time I was angry, I'd go for a walk. Sad? Go for a walk. I even had a joke with a friend that if I was upset the first few miles of my walk, I wasn't allowed to stop walking until I was happy again, and the amount of miles I walked should be split up as so (7 miles (sad) and 3 miles (happy)). It was healing.

Once I started to gain my healthy mental health back, it became an activity that elevated me. I would turn on my fun music, get in the zone, and just strut. I could clear my head and gain my confidence in one foul swoop. All of my friends know I love to go on hot girl walks (and, I always tell them, if you see me, don't be afraid to come say hi, but I am off in my own little world so don't hesitate to yell at me). It seems silly to have such a simple thing be so important to me, but it has really changed my life. When asked what my hobbies are, I always list "hot girl walk" as one of them. This is always followed up by the question, "how is a hot girl walk different from a regular walk?"

It took me a while to come up with a proper definition but here it it: a hot girl walk is a time in which you go for a walk but you get in your zone. You clear your head, you build confidence, and you make memories. Sometimes a hot girl walk looks like struting on a track and 6 pm. Sometimes it's walking ten feet out the door just to get some air or cry. It's emotional, it's shaping, it's important.

So, when in doubt, hot girl walk it out. But, I am so excited to share this and also learn a bit more about you guys as well. So, share your favorite hobbies or any stories in the comments. Let me know if there's anything you would like me to talk about next time! Best wishes,

Livi